When I've Earned the Respect of a Child

There are a lot of adults who believe that the problem with today's youth is that they lack respect. It's a complaint about youth that can likewise be found in ancient Egyptian and Babylonian texts.

I want to be respected, not just by the children in my care, but by their parents, and by pretty much everyone else in the world. If I'm respected, it means that I'm behaving in ways others find worthy of respect. It means that I'm admired or esteemed for my abilities or qualities. It means that I make a valued contribution to the lives of others.

I don't expect to be respected by virtue of any arbitrary status that may be attached to me. My age alone is no reason to respect me. Staying alive for a certain number of years may be noteworthy, but that doesn't mean I deserve a level of respect beyond that which all humans deserve. There are those that insist on respect for "the office," meaning that an individual must be shown respect simply because they are the President or the parent or the teacher. But if their contribution isn't valued, if they don't behave in ways that causes us to admire or esteem them, then they are not owed respect. We owe them courtesy, of course. Everyone deserves courtesy.

Many mistake fear for respect. I've heard people say they "respected" their parent because when they behaved badly they got spanked. That's not respect, that's fear. Fear is an entirely different thing. Cowering is not respect. It's not respect if it is demanded or commanded or compelled. That's force; the threat of pain or punishment. That's simply an exercise in power. "Respect" earned through fear has no value to anyone.

Indeed respect is wholly inaccessible through fear. When we fear someone, we do what they say to avoid pain. Fear compels, but respect is earned. Respect is the result of behaving in ways that cause others to admire and esteem us. The respect of others tells us that we are valued. As an early childhood educator, I don't have an inherent right to respect. Indeed, one of the things that I enjoy most about working with young children is that they are simply too honest to feign respect. You know when you've earned the respect of a toddler. You know it when they come to you with their questions, joys, hurts, and epiphanies. 

There is nothing more affirming that when I've earned the respect of a child.

******

Even the most thriving play-based environments can grow stale at times. I've created this collection of my favorite free (or nearly free) resources for educators, parents, and others who work with young children. It's my gift to you! Click here to download your own copy and never run out of ideas again!

I put a lot of time and effort into this blog. If you'd like to support me please consider a small contribution to the cause. Thank you!