"Keep Out"

I certainly hope that this sign is effective, but I have my doubts

As we make our way around the modern world, there are a lot of signs telling us what to do.

Keep Out

Stay off the Grass

No Parking

And almost as often, we see that the fence on the other side of which we are forbidden is bent down or even cut away by people who would not be kept out. We see paths worn across the grass we are to keep off. And we regularly see vehicles parked in no parking zones. We see dogs running freely in areas designated with signage clearly scolding, "Dogs Must Be Leashed," not to mention the piles of poo next to the sign that commands, "Pick Up After Your Dog." We may shake our heads and tut, even as we cross against a light that says, "Don't Walk."

I've spent a lot of time in airports where I strive to abide by all the signs that tell me what to do and what not. Most people do the same because we all know that the consequences for violating them can be immediate and harsh. This is the only way to make commands consistently stand up -- not just to threaten punishment, but to immediately and harshly follow through. 

As people who work with young children, we seen this phenomenon at work every day. Most of us make rules and, like with the adults who won't be kept out, some of the kids a lot of the time and all of the kids some of the time, break those rules. If we don't enforce them with punishment, the rules continue to be broken. If we do, we live in a place in which people behave as we want because they fear the consequences, not because it's the right thing to do. Maybe that's okay at an airport, but in a classroom? In a home? Do we really want our children growing up in this kind of environment?

I have no interest in creating the kind of world in which I use my power to control others. I want to use my power to empower others and that means creating an environment in which people -- in this case children -- are free to make smart decisions.

You know what sign always works? The one that says "Out of Order" on a public restroom toilet stall. I guarantee I'm not going in there. In fact, I'm not going to even look in there. And in all my 62 years of using pubic restrooms, I've never seen anyone else do it either. What sets this signed apart from the others I've mentioned is that it's not phrased as a command: it provides information. And information allows us to think for ourselves in a way that "Keep Out" doesn't.

If instead of "Keep Out" the sign read, "Sewage Treatment" I expect no one would be cutting through the fence. If instead of "Stay off the Grass" it read "Newly Seeded Lawn," I expect more people would decide to stick to the sidewalk. If instead of "No Parking" the sign read "Fire Lane" or "Police Parking" or "Free Parking Around the Corner" I'm certain that most people, most of the time, would use that information to decide to park elsewhere.

Yes, I'm aware that selfish people often park their cars in spots designated for handicapped drivers, but I've noticed that instead of "Handicapped Parking" the signs often read "Handicapped Parking Only" a difference that turns information into a command.

And humans do not typically respond well to being told what to do, no matter what our age. Commands not backed up by the threat of punishment are rarely effective. Even punishment doesn't work particularly well, unless, of course, the punisher is present, or the punishment is so severe, like at airports, that it's somehow debilitating. And I will not do anything to children that's debilitating.

In my course The Technology of Speaking With Children So They Can Think, we take a deep dive into how apparently simple changes in how we speak with children can transform not only the behavior of the important children in our lives, but also our relationships with both them and ourselves as educators and parents. If the goal is for children to learn to think for themselves, we are well served to be suspicious of directive language and embrace the art and science of speaking informatively with children. If this sounds like something that could make your life better, click here to learn more and to join the waitlist for the 2024 cohort of The Technology of Speaking With Children So They Can Think.

******

In this course we explore how changing the way we speak with children can create environments in which cooperation and peacefulness are the norm, where children take the initiative, solve their own problems, and, most importantly, think for themselves. It will transform your classroom or home into a place in which children are self-motivated to do the right thing, not because you said so, but because they've made up their own mind. Group discounts are available. To learn more and to register, click here.

I put a lot of time and effort into this blog. If you'd like to support me please consider a small contribution to the cause. Thank you!