The Two Knucklehead Theory

The boys were giggling amongst themselves, huddled together like conspirators. Earlier, I had tried to approach them, but when I got near they clammed up, not exactly feigning innocence, but they definitely had something going on between them that they wanted kept to themselves. Young children today have so little opportunity to exist in unsupervised spaces that I tend to leave them to their impish secrets. I imagined they were cracking each other up over butts or poop or something else that adults might label "naughty" or "inappropriate." They shut up because they didn't want me ruining their fun. Respect.

I knew the two boys as solid citizens within our community: curious, engaged, friendly, and eager to cooperate. What had interested me more than their secretiveness was that I'd never seen them play together before, not like this. They had often been part of the same play groups, but this was the first time I'd noticed a one-to-one social connection. Being present for these moments is one of the joys of being a preschool teacher. 

After a while, they included another boy, then another, sharing their naughty joke. The four of them were feeding off one another. The volume was rising, but we were outside so it was nothing out of the ordinary. I was thrilled by how their conspiracy was spreading. They all seemed so delighted, even a little wild. Every now and then they would all fall to the ground, roaring with laughter. They were so absorbed with one another that I could now move nearer without being noticed. That's when I heard what it was that had them all in stitches.

The boy chanted:

Big fat baby walkin' down the road

Big fat baby hoppin' like a toad

Big fat baby about to explode

BOOM!

Big fat baby everywhere!

Then they all fell to the ground, red faced, united in their naughtiness. 

Businessman and professional basketball team owner Mark Cuban once said, "A team can have one knucklehead. You can't have two. One knucklehead adapts; two hang out together."

It's an idea that's been around for quite some time in basketball circles and is often referred to as the "two knucklehead theory."

Of course, the idea isn't original to basketball coaches. We've all heard the 17th century proverb One bad apple spoils the barrel, which expresses a similar idea. Although more often than not, in the modern world, it's left to dangle, "One bad apple . . ." Police chiefs and other apologists tend to use it this way when talking about a rogue cop. Formulated this way, it tends to imply that the bad behavior is an isolated incident . . . In other words, just one knucklehead . . . But we know there's always at least two.

"Mutiny needs at least two men."

"One man may start a quarrel; two keep it going."

In the language of modern organization psychology it's often phrased as: defiance becomes stable when it becomes social.

In the early years, we're are all familiar with this phenomenon. One disruptive child can be absorbed into the group, but when two or more start connecting with one another a new social center of gravity is created. Of course, this phenomenon isn't limited to disruptive behavior. It's what happens in any society. It's the driving force behind trends, fads, cults, and social movements. One person doing something is just behavior; two makes a movement. 

I imagine that a lot of educators would have scuttled the boy's chanting game. I mean, it was insulting, crude, and its punchline was violent. (Kind of like my use of the word "knucklehead.") And they knew that. That's why they kept it amongst themselves. I let it ride without comment, however, because, firstly, they weren't hurting or insulting anyone in particular. But secondly, one of the foundational principles of play based learning is that children must be free to explore all aspects of the things and concepts that are in their lives. How can you understand light without knowing about dark?

But even in a play based program, this phenomenon can lead to disruptive behavior.

The philosopher and godfather of modern educational theory John Dewey argued that behavior isn't just individual, it's social, a product of the group. When a child finds a partner in disruption, the behavior stops being a momentary impulse and instead becomes a shared activity. "Children's behavior is shaped through the social life of the classroom, not just through individual discipline." In other words, "misbehavior" becomes more stable and sustainable when a child (knucklehead one) recruits another (knucklehead two) into it.

In standard classrooms, "misbehavior" is a relatively low bar. Talking too much with a friend gets labeled that way. The way to deal with the two knucklehead phenomenon in these settings is to "separate" the troublemakers. When I was in elementary school, we were always disappointed in the seating chart: our teachers never put us next to our best friends. I now know, of course, it was their way of nipping the knucklehead phenomenon in the bud.

On the other hand, in a play based setting, we don't see this as something to scuttle. After all, we don't see "socializing" as a problem. Indeed, it is one of the key aspects of why our work is so powerful. Two children together can sustain behavior or a project that neither would maintain alone. And that behavior or project might well be mischief.

The boys mischievous chant was approaching the edge of acceptable, and that's a fascinating place to explore with your friends. How far do we dare go? But often, the knuckleheads go over the line. For instance, when the game becomes shoving other people to the ground and running away giggling, it's clearly time for the adult to step in to show them where the line is, to let them know that in the name of safety, we "can't let you do that." It's a line that we walk with children every day. How far is too far? Scolds often insist that "children crave boundaries." That's true. But they also crave experimenting with the limits. Every child in a two parent household knows which parent to go to when they want to stretch, say, the limits of bedtime or cookies. They also know that if they can get their sibling on board, the boundaries are more likely to expand.

Going too far isn't the goal, but rather a way to answer the question, "What happens when we do?"

The boys were still giddy with their shared naughtiness when we came indoors and gathered on our rug for circle time. One of the original boys immediately raised his hand, "I have a song we can sing!" He looked around at his cohort, who were assembled around him, grinning like Cheshire Cats. 

I knew what was coming. As a cooperative, the room was full of parents, some of whom I knew would be appalled by the song. But I knew that very often the only way through the knucklehead phenomenon is through it, so I said, "Let's hear it!"

He began robustly. A few of the other boys joined him at first, but dropped out after the first couple lines, leaving this boy alone to finish "BOOM! Big fat baby everywhere!"

The children were all looking at me. What would I, the adult, do or say?

I said, "You made that up yourself."

"We did."

Then I said to the group, "Should we sing it?"

There was a general consensus that we should give it a go. I had the boy repeat it one more time, then we went together, creating hand gestures to illustrate it. We chant-sang it again and again until our enthusiasm was sated.

When we were quiet, a girl said, "I don't like that song. I don't like exploding a baby."

Other children shared their own thoughts. "It's mean to call somebody fat." "Babies can't even walk." "It would kill the baby!" Some of the boys who had been part of it on the playground shared their own reservations. In the end, even the two boys who started it all agreed that it wasn't "a nice song." Although, one of them insisted, "I still think it's funny." 

But by now this particular boundary had been established, as determined by the children themselves, acting together in a way that no one of them could have sustained on their own, not arbitrarily as adult imposed boundaries often are, but for real, considered reasons that everyone now understood.

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