It's Really That Simple

"I'm The Hulk!"

The three-year-old flexed into a wrestler's pose, baring his teeth. His parents had named him Chase. I said, "Good morning, Hulk."

He corrected me, "I'm The Hulk." So, I corrected myself, "Good morning, The Hulk." And I continued to call him The Hulk, and so did the rest of the kids, for the next several days until one morning, he let us know, "I'm just Chase," so that's what I called him.

A girl who I knew as Anna once told me, "I'm a fairy." She must have thought I might not believe her, because she looked me right in the eye and said, "I'm a real fairy." I replied, "You're a real fairy." She nodded at me, adding, "My name is even Fairy." So I called her Fairy, and so did the rest of the kids.

When I was in first grade, my teacher's name was Miss McCutcheon. That's what she asked us to call her and that's what we called her. In the middle of the school year, she got married. She asked us to call her Mrs. Andrews, so we did. We often got it wrong the next several weeks. She patiently corrected us until it became natural. The same thing happened in third grade when Miss Daniels became Mrs. Williams from one day to the next. 

My wife's name is Jennifer. She dislikes the nicknames Jen or Jenny. Most people call her Jennifer, but some insist on the nicknames even after she's told them, repeatedly, that she dislikes those names. She's patient with them at first, and most finally come around, but when someone persists in calling her by names she despises, she has no choice but to assume that they are intentionally showing her disrespect.

I introduce myself as Tom or Teacher Tom depending on the circumstances. I've had people try to call me Tommy. Like with my wife, I dislike that diminutive, perhaps because our neighborhood bully was called Tommy, but whatever the reason, it's no one else's business, I choose to go by Tom. When people call me Tommy, I correct them, usually by adding, "I really hate being called that." Sometimes people call me Thomas, which is my given name. I'll answer to it, but never feel like getting to know anyone who can't bother to call me by my chosen name.

So when the two-year-old told me he was a boy named Joe, I called him Joe.

Whether it's a chosen name for a day or a lifetime, it's really that simple.

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"I recommend these books to everyone concerned with children and the future of humanity." ~Peter Gray, Ph.D. If you want to see what Dr. Gray is talking about you can find Teacher Tom's First Book and Teacher Tom's Second Book right here. 

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