As a boy, even as young as 4, mom would say, “Tom, you're driving me crazy. Go outside.” And then she would close the door behind me, not expecting to see me again until she rang the dinner bell – and she had a literal dinner bell as did all the other moms in the neighborhood.
Most of my childhood memories involve being outdoors, with other children, unsupervised.
I interviewed Lenore Skenazy for a just released episode of Teacher Tom's Podcast. She tells us that in stark contrast to my childhood, there is today an "expectation" that virtually every minute of a child’s life must be supervised by a responsible adult. The result is that today’s preschoolers will spend their entire childhood’s under adult supervision.
You may know Lenore as the founder of the Free-Range Parenting Movement and all-round advocate for childhood independence. Among her work is the Free-Range Parenting blog and book. She is the creator of “Take Our Children to the Park & Leave Them There Day” and hosted the reality TV show “America’s Worst Mom." She is also more recently the founder and face of Let Grow, a non-profit that promotes Free Range Parenting and childhood independence.
Today, my mom – and all the other moms on my block – would receive a visit from child protective services . . . Or worse!
Is the world more dangerous now than it was 50 years ago? Not according to crime statistics. Today, our violent crime and property crimes rates are about the same as they were when I was a boy, after a spike during the 80s and 90s.
But we definitely perceive that the crime rate is higher. And as Lenore points out, we are definitely more fearful.
Whatever the case, childhood independence is becoming increasingly rare and unless we take proactive measures, it is only going to become rarer.
I have no illusion that we are about to dramatically change our world or our fears any time soon. That means that it is on us – early childhood educators and parents of young children – to make our schools and homes places in which children can, as Lenore and I discuss, try a few “stupid things.”
It was Lenore's work that inspired me – and gave me the courage – to start putting woodworking tools into the hands of young children.
As you think about the important children in your life, what are some things you can do?
Perhaps the most difficult thing to do is to resist the urge to intervene or caution children over every little thing. As my friend and playworker Meynell Aimes jokes, “I have a three step approach to deciding what to do when a child is playing: take one step back, then take another step back, and then another.”
Obviously, we step in when life and limb are at stake, or when real bullying is happening, but much of the time, it’s our catastrophic imaginations that cause us to act when its entirely unnecessary.
A childhood is incomplete without a few scrapes and bruises . . . maybe even a broken bone or two.
When I first had the courage to bring real hammers and real nails onto the playground, I did it with the utmost of caution. We started with an old tree stump. I set up a ring of caution cones around it, then invited children in one at a time, with eye protection, to take a few swings at a nail that I had started for them.
That’s all I felt comfortable with at first, but slowly, as I began to see, with my own eyes, the incredible competence of young children . . . .
As I began to see the care and caution that they took on their own . . .
As I realized that my worst fears were very unlikely to be realized . . .
As we all gained experience, we added more hammers – along with other tools – until we had created a full-on woodworking experience for 2-5 year olds. Yes, there were some sore thumbs, but hitting your thumb with a hammer is an inescapable part of the process of learning to use a hammer. I’ll be 63 next week. If I picked up a hammer for the first time today, I assure you I would have to learn the lesson of hitting my thumb.
My point is that we don’t have to put our kids, alone, on a New York City subway (the way Lenore did) or let them run around the neighborhood all day unsupervised in order to give them the experience of childhood independence that everyone needs. We can all start small . . .
Stepping back . . .
Letting them use the stapler . . .
Letting them make their own snacks . . .
Letting them fail a few times in order to learn the lessons of perseverance . . .
We will never go back to the 1970’s, nor should we want to, but with the help of people like Lenore and organizations like Let Grow, it’s not too late for childhood independence.
We can do it in our schools and our homes.
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