Selective Mutism

As a 2-year-old, Oscar would toddle into the classroom ahead of his mom, stop in his tracks when he saw me, jaw-dropped, utter the words, "Teacher Tom," in a hoarse whisper, then stand there for a good minute just staring at me as if stunned. He would then not say a word to me or anyone else for the rest of the day.

Sammy would keep an eye on me at all times, tracking my movements from the corner of her eye, and if I got too close would flee to another part of the room. I don't think I was even in range to have heard her voice for 5 months, even if she had tried to speak.

Emi wouldn't make eye contact with me, twisting her body into all kinds of shapes to avoid it, going so far as to soundlessly crawl under the table when my proximity was unavoidable.

These are just 3 of dozens of examples I could have shared of children who were simply overwhelmed, it seems, by me. Teachers are very powerful people in a child's life. It's not surprising that we would strike some of them mute. In every case, their parents let me know, often apologetically, that their child babbled away at home, often about me or the songs we sang or the toys with which we played. What I didn't always know to say back then, but what I know to say now, is, "They don't have to talk to me if they don't want to."

When I first started teaching, I often made the mistake of approaching these silent children with the idea of coaxing them out of their shell. And if I didn't do it, their parents would, saying things like, "Tell Teacher Tom what you wanted to tell him," or "What's got into you?" It didn't take long, however, for me to realize that this approach, in every case, was only making matters worse. 

It didn't help that at some level, their mothers seemed embarrassed, so that's where I've learned to start, assuring them that it doesn't hurt my feelings that their child won't speak with me. I tell them the story of Aidan or other children who didn't speak. I let them know that I am confident that their child will start talking to me on her own schedule. I then tell them that the best way they can help me is to just keep me informed of her current enthusiasms at home or if anything particularly exciting is going on, like seeing a fire truck at the neighbor's house or a new toy or a favorite musical.

The approach I take to these kids is to not approach them, but to rather sort of sidle up to them in the course of events, while they're engaged in something else, often just playing along with them without questions or words, engaging perhaps with other children or adults in the area, dropping in references to things or events that I now know interest them at home. I can usually at first feel their tension at my elbow, their anticipation that they will be asked to somehow perform for me. That's why I keep these sidling moments brief at first, breaking them off on my own accord, maybe with a smile in their direction.

I don't know if this is the psychologically sound approach or not, but to me it feels as if I'm sort of conditioning them to my presence, giving them small doses of the stress of being near me, gradually increasing them over time. My hope is that by sprinkling my banter with references to familiar or exciting things from home (not peppering them with questions, not expecting anything from them) I'm making myself seem familiar, as if I'm a part of their extended family, an intimate.

I mentioned in yesterday's post that since we're a 3-year program we can take these things as slowly as they need to be. Since we're a cooperative, the room is full of parents, including those of these silent children, which makes us less an alien place. I believe that this is the reason that these silent children are all talking in our school by the time they're 4.

I don't know if I'm talking about "selective mutism" here or not, a psychological condition that is thought to be found in somewhere between 1-in-100 and 1-in-150 children, making it more common that autism and just as common as childhood depression. Statistically, some of these kids would have had to have filled the bill. I think, perhaps without knowing how, we're doing something right, catching this condition perhaps before it can become full-blown.

Many treatments, especially in the US, involve the prescription of things like Prozac. You only need that if you're in a hurry.

My friend Donna from Irresistible Ideas for Play Based Learning collected some links should you be interested in learning more about selective mutism.

Treatment Programs for Children with Selective Mutism

Selective Mutism

Selective Mutism: When There's More To It Than "Being Shy"

Selective Mutism Clinic, Sydney

The Children Who Chose To Stay Silent

For more links, head on over to their Facebook page.

(And you'll notice that in this post, I didn't once mention the emotion "shyness.")

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