"We Need to Talk"

"We need to talk."

It's a message from the parent of one of your students -- an email, text, voice mail, or quick word at pickup time. Your heart rises into your throat.

"We need to talk" almost always means that something has gone wrong, and it's going to get worse before it gets better. This parent is angry, sad, or confused. They object to your curriculum. They are worried their child is "falling behind." They want to demand that you do something about this, that, or the other.

We've all been there. Parents and educators are natural allies, but all too often we find ourselves at odds, even though we all want the same thing: happy, well-adjusted children.

Over the years, I've found that the struggle to get on the same page with parents might not be the top-of-mind concern for educators, but when we get down to the bottom line, that's often the real challenge, whether it's over things like learning through play, discipline, risky play, or messy play.

 

“The parents would never let us do that!”

 

“The parents want more academics.”

 

“The parents complain whenever their child gets messy.”

 

“The parents just don’t understand!”

 

My own experience of parents is as colleagues rather than people who demand a “quick meeting.” I’ve spent my entire teaching career in cooperative preschools, where the parents are right there with me in the classroom, serving as assistant teachers. This is the great strength of the cooperative model and through this experience of working shoulder-to-shoulder with parents, day-after-day, I discovered the incredible power of a true partnership with parents.

 

As parents and educators, we both are the children’s “first teachers” (to use the nomenclature of the Reggio-Emilia model), but in our modern world, too often we find ourselves on opposite sides of the table across the divide of “we need to talk.” 

 

How would it change your life as an educator to have a parent community that really understands what play is all about? Where parents fully support your curriculum? Where parents are on the same page about mess, risk, and self-directed learning? How would it change your attitude if the parents in your school always had your back? If you could say one thing to the parents of the children you teach, what would it be? What would you want them to know?

I recently asked my newsletter readers these questions.

Jenny S., the director of a large center, wishes that parents could walk in an educator's shoes for a day. "Have you tried caring for five children under two for even two hours?"

Ramona M wishes that parents understood "normal human development."

"I would really like to see parents understand how the power of connection and attachment that can shape their child's relationships, and how powerful play is their child's life," writes Mary J. "Slow down and be present and you start to see and understand who they are and what is really important to them."

Several educators expressed frustration that parent concerns stand in the way of introducing developmentally appropriate "risky play." As Leslie D. asked, "Is there something I could say to them that allows us to have more freedom with the children and have the parents on board?"

Almost everyone who responded expressed frustrations with unrealistic academic expectations, communication, wishes that parents understood more about early childhood development, and a hope for a better educator-parent-child partnership.

As Ramona M. put it, "It takes a village."

That is the idea behind my 6-week course The Empowered Educator -- Partnering With Parents. If any of this rings true for you, if you're interested in transforming your relationship with the parents of the children in your care, then you might want to check it out. To learn more and to register for the 2024 cohort, click here.

When we work to bring parents closer to the center of what we do, when we communicate clearly, honestly, and in a timely manner, we begin to form the kind of partnerships that help us begin to approach the promise of a village.

******

It takes a village to raise a child. As preschool educators, we don't just educate children, but their families as well. For the past 20+ years, I've been working in a place that puts the tri-cornered relationship of child-parent-educator at the center, and over that time I've learned a great deal about how to work with families to create the kind of village every child needs and deserves. I'm proud to announce that I've assembled what I've learned into a 6-part course called Partnering With Parents in which I share my best thinking on how educators can and should make allies of the parents of the children we teach. Click this link to register and to learn more. Discounts are available for groups. This is the one and only 2024 cohort. Please join us!

I put a lot of time and effort into this blog. If you'd like to support me please consider a small contribution to the cause. Thank you!