tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post9106679625134710129..comments2024-03-26T07:07:14.304-07:00Comments on Teacher Tom: Sometimes You Can Say You Can't PlayTeacher Tomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14606781724784785338noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-50378380622025010482013-05-14T20:45:50.285-07:002013-05-14T20:45:50.285-07:00I love the positive spin of "find a way for e...I love the positive spin of "find a way for everyone to play" instead of the double negative. I don't have children yet, but I've helped raise my much younger brother and taught many children how to swim, skate, play volleyball, do math, speak French, etc. When I was younger, I wasn't quite one of the cool kids, but I wasn't someone who was necessarily bullied either. I was somewhere in the gray area in between. I remember how the "popular" children used to treat those they had decided didn't fit in at all and it was awful. It usually happened around 2nd grade. Years later, after I had changed schools in high school and gone off to university, I ran into one of them in a new city at a bus station. After we greeted each other, surprised at this unlikely run in 5 hours and years away from the last place we'd seen each other, she grabbed her partner, pulled him over to me and said "this girl was one of the only people that was ever nice to me in school". I cannot tell you how taken aback, humbled and wonderful that felt. This flood of emotion, this desire to run and tell all children everywhere "just wait-years from now, things will be so different and people will remember how you treated them and it will make all of the difference-so just please, PLEASE keep that in mind". I found out that she'd lost her mother the summer after the last time that I saw her and so moved to be with her aunt and uncle and that's how she got to be here. I ended up being there when she found out she was pregnant, I went with her to appointments, stayed with her the night before she went into labor and visited her in the hospital after she had her twin girls. I remember being in the kitchen of my residence at university before going to her baby shower, listening to some of the girls we had been in school with as children talking about her. All of these years later- some of them were just as cruel, even moreso than they had been when we were children. I had to stop myself from scalding them like children and instead defiantly grabbed my gift for her and left for the party with the knowledge that the attitudes ingrained in them as children had not changed. Now, more than ever, I live my life with the idea that everyone should have a friend- and if I can be that friend, I will do my best to be that person. What's more is that everyone deserves kindness, not just respect, but kindness. Going further than that, children need to understand that they will have to interact with people who are different from themselves and they will have to make the best of it- In school, in the workplace and even in their personal lives. The sooner they learn to be adaptable, work together and be kind to one another, the better. That in my opinion is what "find a way for everyone to play" is about- there will be plenty of opportunities to learn about dealing with rejection believe me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-43111596336724238822012-09-01T21:43:55.276-07:002012-09-01T21:43:55.276-07:00over the past several years i have had have severa...over the past several years i have had have several children with some pretty intense behavior issues. when a tommy hits or screams at molly (which has already occurred twice that week), then goes back and wants to play with her, i see molly's refusal to play with him as a natural consequence. there would certainly be follow-up with both children and perhaps an intentional play situation set-up to repair the relationship (which is always possible at this age, as preschoolers rarely hold grudges).Amy Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06195219992696331828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-83234098440722191622012-07-06T12:23:25.199-07:002012-07-06T12:23:25.199-07:00My behavior didn't change because I was bullie...My behavior didn't change because I was bullied or the bully. Only time and maturity brought those to me. <br /><br />I would love to see the results in 30 years if our children were taught inclusion. A more caring populace. More power in the hands of the people because the abuses of corporations would not longer be seen as a natural occurance as long as we get ours. <br /><br />Or maybe we just become really soft and the lack of confrontation stifles individualism. <br /><br />We have seen confrontational lets try the other way.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02697418747850741655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-56617954216869541662011-12-13T22:27:41.726-08:002011-12-13T22:27:41.726-08:00"These are skills we will use for the rest of..."These are skills we will use for the rest of our lives and preschool is where we lay the foundation."<br /><br />It's amazing how quintessential events early in childhood will shape personal interactions for the rest of our lives. <br /><br />Tom, as usual, you have brought up some points that are difficult to dismiss. Play is an essential skill to grow into a well adjusted adult. The adults are responsable for guiding the children to the best outcome. Barbara, you brought up an interesting point with your example of not letting a child paint on another's picture. "Find a way for everyone to play" is positive and puts control in the child's hands, I like it!<br /><br />Tom, I would like to get a hold of you to discuss some of your philosophies. What is the most convenient form of communication?Cody Mossnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-87532688465058312032011-09-21T14:00:22.920-07:002011-09-21T14:00:22.920-07:00Wow, what an interesting post. My instinct has alw...Wow, what an interesting post. My instinct has always gone the other way- that children shouldn't be forced to play with peers who perhaps make them uncomfortable or dominate them. Maybe your high adult ratio makes it easier to be on the spot if, say, a certain child insists on joining games and taking them over (and I don't necessarily mean changing the rules, just taking all the airspace from a more compliant, quieter child)? <br /><br />How does your rule go with children who have a need for solitary play? Do they have to let others join them if they're sitting in a quiet corner, perfectly happy? If a child is, say, in the middle of a solitary experiment with a tool or toy, wouldn't this rule impede their process of discovery?<br /><br />Really interested in your reply!!Aunt Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08799746597313773030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-24133543042136511112011-09-21T13:57:11.950-07:002011-09-21T13:57:11.950-07:00I never liked the wording of "You Can't S...I never liked the wording of "You Can't Say You Can't Play" preferring the more positive "Find a way for everyone to play." I have an interest in preserving the integrity of their play and, if they insist that there is no room for additional characters or no legos for the newcomer or whatever, then so be it. I see their dramatic play, their lego constructions, their water play much like I see their art. I wouldn't let another child paint on someone's picture unbidden; I don't allow someone to come into dramatic play and change the storyline unbidden. The sentence "Find a way for everyone to play" allows them to preserve their art (whatever it may be) but also encourages them to include the newcomer if possible. I'm afraid to admit I've even told kids that someone as smart as they are should be able to think of a way to include everyone. Nothing like a little sucking up to them to encourage them along.Barbara Zaborowskinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-72259689772214124322011-09-21T07:37:12.822-07:002011-09-21T07:37:12.822-07:00At my daughter's preschool, the School for You...At my daughter's preschool, the School for Young Children in Columbus Ohio, exclusion is allowed. The teachers and administration believe that allowing children to experiment with the power of choosing their own playmates gives them a foundation for relationships in the future. The teachers help the excluded child feel rejection, an unavoidable feeling. They also help the excluders notice when someone really wants to play and negotiate. My daughter, one who cannot handle large group play sometimes, has greatly benefited by being able to limit her play to small groups. I feel like without being able to say 'you can't play' she would not be as secure in deep friendships.Rachel (Hounds in the Kitchen)http://www.houndsinthekitchen.comnoreply@blogger.com