tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post2797086485982754683..comments2024-03-26T07:07:14.304-07:00Comments on Teacher Tom: Rebellion Is Built Into UsTeacher Tomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14606781724784785338noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-55990462264399822212012-06-12T21:45:55.801-07:002012-06-12T21:45:55.801-07:00With my kids, I always started out by cleaning up ...With my kids, I always started out by cleaning up after them. I'd make it completely a non-issue, except that sometimes I'd point at a toy I couldn't quite reach and ask politely for them to bring it to me. We progressed from there, with them doing more and me doing less, until, "Will you please put these toys away?" became almost the same request as "Would you hand me that toy, please?" had been originally. It could be that my kids are naturally helpful, I suppose...Maghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04618225986003203692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-65322044070102827432012-06-12T18:23:54.712-07:002012-06-12T18:23:54.712-07:00"Boy, this living room could really use a vac..."Boy, this living room could really use a vacuuming," - oh, that would never work either with my husband. He'd consider that me being passive aggressive. Certainly the "Vacuum the living room!" approach doesn't work either. Is there anything wrong with just asking "Can you vacuum the living room?" or "Honey, would you vacuum the living room?" or "Dear, can you do me a favor and vacuum the living room?". The question is, how to respond if he just says "No."...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-10837867312090322902012-06-12T18:08:52.616-07:002012-06-12T18:08:52.616-07:00Oh, my dogs are not "well trained!" That...Oh, my dogs are not "well trained!" That said, if I say, "This way," instead of pulling the leash, they hop to. My mistake with the dogs is always forgetting to "talk" to them.<br /><br />I participate in a lot of community "clean up" type projects ("All hand's on deck!"), including 3 times a year at my school. Someone does have to be in charge of things like providing supplies, but there is nothing that sends people home faster than a person who "directs." I'm most successful in the leadership role when I make a list of things that need to get done and let folks figure it out for themselves. Our motto is: "Whoever holds the paint brush decides what color to paint it!" <br /><br />This is the thought experiment I like: Tell your husband, "Vacuum the living room!" I'll bet the odds are quite slim that he'll do it. More likely is that it'll turn into an argument on a topic entirely unrelated to vacuuming. If you instead simply say, "Boy, this living room could really use a vacuuming," the odds go way up that he'll do it. He still might not do it, but the odds do go up and the discussion will be about what to do with the dirty living room.Teacher Tomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14606781724784785338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-91128760897059592262012-06-12T18:03:29.109-07:002012-06-12T18:03:29.109-07:00I really do believe in this, but I struggle with i...I really do believe in this, but I struggle with it so often, in fact, failing miserably with it again just tonight. I asked my 3 1/2 yr old son to clean up his toys - we live in a small house and have little floor space, and they had expanded across the living room floor, and it was getting close to dinner time. I explained that with so many toys out, that it is hard to walk through without stepping on them and hurting our feet. He would say ok, and then ignore me. I explained that just like at school, where we have to pick up our toys when we're done before getting more toys out, that we have to put our toys away at home too. He continues to ignore. He asks to go outside and see our deck garden, and I say sure, but first you have to clean up your toys, as we literally can't open the door to the deck as toys are blocking the door. This keeps going on, but continues to escalate, eventually ending with me snapping, and carrying him crying to his room for a timeout. I feel horrible, and hate that I reacted that way, but am frustrated that he repeatedly wouldn't clean up, despite my attempts to explain logically, explaining the consequences of not cleaning up - hurting feet, breaking toys, unable to open the door to the deck. Now I feel like a horrible mother (plus my back hurts as i'm not supposed to be lifting him right now). My husband believes our son will just keep pushing me, testing my limits, and that disciplining with timeouts, getting toys taken away, etc are necessary, but should be done calmly without emotion or anger, which I often fail to do as I've been pushed to the point of frustration. Which of course then makes me feel even worse. I really, really want to believe in this approach, but would love to hear from others who struggle, and any advice they have to better handle situations like these. How do you instill empathy and respect around cleaning up, without it turning into a power struggle?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-42534122535559125282012-06-12T17:25:48.400-07:002012-06-12T17:25:48.400-07:00I can't decide what I think of the post becaus...I can't decide what I think of the post because I was too distracted by the dog pulling in the opposite direction analogy.<br /><br />We just visited the Canadian Guide Dog training centre (really interesting!!!) The trainer commented that most people don't ever train their dogs not to pull in response to a tug on the leash, and many aren't even aware that you can do this. So at least by guide dog training standards, a dog that pulls on its leash is not a well trained dog.<br /><br />Furthermore: "No one likes to be told what to do" - I don't agree that this is always true, though I get what you are saying. I just think that most people (myself included!) prefer to receive some kind of instructions, guidance and even "orders". Imagine arriving at a community centre to help clean up. When you arrive there are several hundred people milling around. In that situation, if someone doesn't show up with cleaning supplies and direct folks with specific goals, not only does the community centre not get clean, but about half the volunteers mill around miserably until they've decided they can go home.Marynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-13734360184904917372012-06-12T16:32:20.614-07:002012-06-12T16:32:20.614-07:00ohhhh, I'm with Suzanne there!!!ohhhh, I'm with Suzanne there!!!dianenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-22404861307746804962012-06-12T09:11:29.346-07:002012-06-12T09:11:29.346-07:00I experience this every time I read something grea...I experience this every time I read something great on fb, then it tells me to "like" or "share" it - and just because I've been told to - I won't. I am going to share this post though, thanks for NOT telling me to!Suzannehttp://www.mybuddiesandi.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.com