tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post3943630950766626155..comments2024-03-26T07:07:14.304-07:00Comments on Teacher Tom: "When She's Nice To Me, I Play With Her."Teacher Tomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14606781724784785338noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-6201500099915844352013-09-28T08:24:33.805-07:002013-09-28T08:24:33.805-07:00@Simone P . . . Well, of course, everyone has to f...@Simone P . . . Well, of course, everyone has to find this path on her own. I see Katrina's simple statement as one of great power -- it's about her choosing when and with whom to play. As always, living this philosophy is easier said than done, but the ability to recognize "meanness" (e.g., a sick relationship, cruelty, bullying) and simply walking away is an act of dignity and strength.Teacher Tomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14606781724784785338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-37512941214069454462013-09-28T07:10:50.313-07:002013-09-28T07:10:50.313-07:00Hi Tom and everyone,
Such an interesting and compl...Hi Tom and everyone,<br />Such an interesting and complex topic that I think every parent faces repeatedly while raising a child. <br /><br />I have a 13 year old daughter who talks openly with me about everything, and particularly about navigating issues in her relationships with her friends (which at 13 can sometimes be quite complicated!)<br /><br />Everything you have said resonates with me, and I love the idea (even at age 43) of 'playing with her when she's nice to me, and not when she is mean'. However, how do we reconcile the hurt experienced, often repetitiously by friends that are hot and cold, or sweet and sour? <br /><br />Where is the line between 'playing with her when she's nice to me, and not when she is mean', and tolerating a standard in a relationship/friendship that isn't aligned with what we have decided we want from our relationships (and give back in our relationships)in order to feel that we respect ourselves enough to not tolerate the 'mean-ness' we receive when our hot/cold friend is cold? <br /><br />By teaching our kids to allow this hot/cold from others, which usually coincides with a cycle of forgiveness, re-bonding and hurt, are we setting them up to not know when to step up and demand better for themselves? <br /><br />In the extreme worst case scenario, are we training them, for their future adult lives, to be submissive to partners/friends who might also demonstrate this type of behavior where the 'being mean' can come in the form of physical, emotional or sexual abuse?<br /><br />Sorry if I have dragged this to a darker place! This post and the comments just threw up some questions that I thought were worth asking and discussing. Simone xSimone Pnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-80952219991862894442013-09-24T02:27:44.827-07:002013-09-24T02:27:44.827-07:00Does it also apply to a child whom seem cant lose ...Does it also apply to a child whom seem cant lose the friendship? this one is between my 4yo son and my 6yo daughter: he loves playing with her so much that no matter how mean she is to him, he still complies to her 'rules'. maybe we have to wait till he gets to the 4-5yo stage where he can grasps it--'if you are mean, i dont play with you'? heartbreaking to see him being rejected everytime and still loves playing with his elder sis.<br />cmAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-70882440540623277002013-09-23T22:54:18.639-07:002013-09-23T22:54:18.639-07:00Well written. Nice story. Thank you for sharing. W...Well written. Nice story. Thank you for sharing. Would love to be a fly on the wall at your preschool. :)Jillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07563787347029940860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-84978178926886421912013-09-23T21:50:51.510-07:002013-09-23T21:50:51.510-07:00Thank you for this post; it's topical for my f...Thank you for this post; it's topical for my family right now, as my son is in his first few weeks of school. He told me only a few hours ago how he was feeling about how a similarly "hot and cold" friend has been treating him at school - I shall be passing on Katrina's wisdom to him in the morning...SLamarnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-83092933149376200352013-09-23T13:47:51.243-07:002013-09-23T13:47:51.243-07:00I totally understand where you are coming from. M...I totally understand where you are coming from. My daughter just turned four and is in the "You aren't my friend anymore" stage. Funny I always get, "You aren't my Mommy anymore!" In which I reply, "I will always be your mommy. You don't have to like me because I got after you, but you can't stop being my little girl and I can't stop being your Mommy." It usually works, but then I laugh about it later when she isn't around because as adults we know that's what it means. As children it is very hurtful to hear that. Especially for a child with autism/Asperger's syndrome, who doesn't understand social interactions as well as people without it. I like the answer you and your daughter came up with. I do use that with my 10year old, who has Asperger's syndrome too! Nice!Mrs. Dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01043147893079020237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-45838645436362208742013-09-23T10:46:54.749-07:002013-09-23T10:46:54.749-07:00Love this! Female relationships can be SO complica...Love this! Female relationships can be SO complicated. Kudos to you and your daughter for figuring out how to accept "Mary" for who she is without passing judgment on her unkind behavior. Can you teach me that trick Teacher Tom? xoxodaycaredivahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02460701725822012386noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15932919.post-1634015787158308382013-09-23T07:15:51.275-07:002013-09-23T07:15:51.275-07:00Thank you for this. We are in the heart of 4 year ...Thank you for this. We are in the heart of 4 year old hot/cold friendship land at the moment. It's hard to not to project my memories from 7th grade on a preschooler...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com